It's All An Ordeal

Yep. Everything is so damn difficult. Simon will not sleep unless I'm with him. I have to hold him all night and for every nap. He demands access to my breasts. Unrestricted access. It doesn't matter how long he's been asleep, if he rouses even slightly and finds the nipple is not in his mouth, he roots around for it and cries if he can't find it. It is driving me mad. I've tried to distract him by holding him and rocking him, but he will scream until I give in and let him "comfort nurse."

There's no way I can put him down once he's asleep. It doesn't matter if he's been asleep for 45 minutes--the moment I put him down he wakes up and cries. That's not normal. And he will not take a pacifier anymore. He's not fooled, I guess, and he hates it. I'm so sick of laying down with him. I spend way too much of my time laying in the dark passing the time by imagining things I could be doing. I am losing my mind. I hate it. But I can't find another way to get Simon to go to sleep. I sometimes get lucky and find he's fallen asleep in his swing, but this only works for daytime naps and only a few times a week.

So, I have almost no time to myself these days. I can't slip away and do stuff while Simon's sleeping, 'cause I'm right there with him. I guess it's my fault he sleeps so poorly. His sleep habits are just getting worse, and I don't know what to do. Do I hope he grows out of these habits on his own? That's pretty lame. I'm not doing a very good job of being a mom.